Are you one of those lucky folks who has your life all figured out? You know, why you’re alive and where you’re heading? Can’t say that I have all the answers for my own life, so maybe that’s why I’m a sucker for a good self-help book. I can’t be the only one. Bookstore shelves are full of them. According to the NPD group, self-help books grew from 30,897 in 2013 to 85,253 in 2019. I prefer the terms self-empowerment or self-emancipation to describe these books. Best-selling authors in this genre like John C. Maxwell, Napoleon Hill, Jack Canfield, David Bach and Dave Ramsey, to name a few, try to help us live a life of purpose while embracing the changing tides of life. Through stories, parables, research and oftentimes common sense advice, these authors seek to empower us to become our best selves.
Central to all of their teachings is the idea of embracing change. If you don’t, forget about any personal or professional growth! Self-empowerment and change are interwoven it seems. Down in our bones we know that change is a constant. Nothing stays the same. Ask any parent and they will tell you that time moves too quickly, and that children grow up way too fast. Teenagers will tell you that it moves too slowly. For us seniors, let’s just say that the end seems to be approaching at breakneck speeds, though we try not to dwell on this sobering thought.
\ ˈself-ˈhelp ; Southern also ˈhep \
Definition of self-help
: the action or process of bettering oneself or overcoming one's problems without the aid of others especially : the coping with one's personal or emotional problems without professional help
Part of being fit mentally, is finding purpose and living it. But how do we figure out our place in an ever changing world, when we don’t know where we’re going or why? Being directionless makes it easy to feel stuck in place while time marches on. As parents we want our kids to grow up happy and have great careers. Even if we have to pick the career for them dammit! After all we’re older and wiser. Right?! Not necessarily.
Modern psychology proposes that wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. It comes as a result of how we live our lives. Perhaps how we navigate and embrace change contributes to how wise we become as we grow older. This in turn, helps us to find our way in the world. If we don’t embrace change and see it as an opportunity for growth, we can become stuck in place.
Sometimes we think we have it all figured out, then something changes and we have to start over again. I think of all the families who’ve lost loved ones to covid-19, and all of the small business owners who never expected to lose their livelihoods to the same virus. These people have to deal with the terrible changes in their lives, while learning how to regain their footing.
Few people know what they want out of life. Fewer still accomplish all that they want in life. If you’re trying to figure things out for yourself, I have a couple of suggestions:
1) Write a personal mission statement, and
2) Even if you don’t know what you want out of life, keep working to find out.
We’re accustomed to seeing mission statements from schools, various organizations, corporations and businesses. Their mission statements express what these entities value and why they exist. It gives them a clear road on which to travel. By reviewing their mission statements, they can see if they are living up to their purpose and values. People can develop their own mission statement as a declaration of what they value, and what their purpose in life is as well. As you grow and change, your mission statement will evolve as well.
There’s an exercise I like to do with my clients to help them craft their own personal mission statement. This exercise really makes them think and take a good look at themselves. I wish I could say that I came up with this exercise, but I didn’t. I borrowed it from the Corporate Athlete program which trains high-performing corporate leaders. To get started on your personal mission statement, ask yourself the following questions used by the Corporate Athlete program:
- How do you want to be remembered?
- How do you want people to describe you?
- Who do you want to be?
- Who or what matters most to you?
- What are your deepest values?
- How would you define success in your life?
- What makes your life really worth living?
Use your answers to craft a personal mission statement that reveals your ultimate purpose in life. Make it one sentence if you can. Rather than listing a behavior that you will change, instead focus on a set of guiding principles that capture how you want to live your life. Some examples of mission statements from the Corporate Athlete program include:
- “I plan to spend more time doing things that I like to do.”
- “I want to become more physically active and try new hobbies.”
- “My mission is to incorporate a healthy balance of work and personal time.”
- “I aspire to transform negative work-related situations and put energy into relationships with family and friends.”
Earlier I said that most people have no idea what they want out of life. Fewer still, accomplish all that they want in life. Which leads me to my second suggestion: even if you don’t know what you want out of life, keep working to find out. Be like a child. Children bombard their parents with the word “why.” Asking “why” is one of the ways in which they figure the world out. Asking yourself “why” is a crucial step in determining what is truly important to you. Knowing your “why” helps you walk the earth with purpose and direction.
When working with my coaching clients, I ask “why” a lot, to help them understand what is most important in their lives. Most of my clients come to me wanting to lose weight. They will usually have a certain number of pounds they’d like to lose. If they tell me that they want to lose 20 pounds, I first ask them why they’ve choose that number and then I ask them, why do they want to lose weight. I keep asking them why they want to lose a certain amount of weight until I get an answer that connects to them emotionally. Then, I know we’ve hit on the real reason why weight loss is so important to them. Most times it’s not even about the number of pounds. The real reason “why” is much deeper.
If you’re stumbling through life, just know that you have lots of company. If change frightens you, remember that the antidote for fear is action. The action that you take to discover your place in the world, is ultimately what will empower you. Self-discovery and self-empowerment won’t happen overnight. So cut yourself some slack and give yourself some grace while on your quest.
You were put here for a purpose but that doesn’t mean that finding it will be easy. Don’t let that stop you though. Grab yourself an armful of self-help book and get busy. Your best self is right around the corner.
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Here's to a better you!
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