Why is making personal changes so damn hard? Knowing is a whole lot easier than doing. We want to lose weight but keep buying bigger clothes. We want to start eating better and exercising but would rather binge watch Netflix while eating chips. We want to make our relationships better but don’t work on them. We want to change jobs or make more money, but stay in the same dead end job. We want to change our lives and be happier but can’t face the work it takes. Why is that?
Hundreds of books are written each year on this subject. Dozens of podcasts are devoted to self-change. Motivational speakers spend their careers trying to entice us to step outside of our comfort zones and embrace change. Some people seek out change. They see it as a natural process for personal growth and don’t mind putting in the work that’s necessary. Yet too many people sit stuck, unhappy, unwilling or too afraid to make changes.
One big reason we fear change is because we cannot predict the outcome. The uncertainty keeps us from moving forward with change. Gustavo Rozzetti, How To Overcome the Fear of Change writes, “We are hardwired to resist uncertainty-our brain prefers a predictable, negative outcome over an uncertain one. On the other hand, our mind is flexible and adaptable-it can be trained to thrive in change.” I like to say, “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t know!”
The fear of change can be complex. Sometimes, just thinking about past failures can stop us in our tracks. We start expecting to fail. Our wasted efforts become the same old story. Right?! Rosabeth Moss Kante, the Ernest L. Arbuckle professor of business at Harvard Business School, and director and chair of the Harvard University Advanced Leadership Initiative, listed 10 reasons why people resist change:
1. Loss of control – We don’t want others telling us what to do.
2. Excess uncertainty – Again the fear of the unknown.
3. More work – Change takes a lot of work and some aren’t up to the task.
4. Surprise, surprise – People resist change because they haven’t been given time to get used to the idea.
5. Everything seems different – We like what we’re comfortable with. Different is scary.
6. Loss of face – When we change the work of others, they might become defensive because as they see it, the change means they were wrong. So, we don’t change things ultimately.
7. Concerns about competence – We are afraid that we can’t do it.
8. Ripple effect – People wonder what else will change if they make changes (i.e., relationships, habits, preferences, activities).
9. Past resentments – Old wounds might re-open and people might not want to cooperate with you.
10. Sometimes the threat is real – Change can hurt.
Regardless of the fact that we resist change, change does occur. The world changes and so does our bodies. Try getting older! My body at sixty-six sure as hell isn’t the same as it was at twenty-six! Changes can occur slowly. It’s like gaining weight. As the years pass, you get heavier and heavier a few pounds at a time. It’s not even painful. You don’t notice the pounds as they add up, until one day you have the courage to step on a scale (or the doctor makes you). Oh crap!!!! Now it’s time to makes some changes. Or not.
So how can you overcome inertia and become a person who is comfortable with change? Here are a few suggestions.
· Know what the stakes are.
Why is it so important for you to change?
What happens if you don’t change?
· Know you can do it.
Believe in yourself (self-efficacy). This is crucial. Reflect on past successes for inspiration.
Get help.
-hire a coach who can help you clarify your goals, hold you accountable and keep you on track.
-get a mentor
-form a supportive team around you. Don’t go it alone!
-read success stories that will help inspire you. If others can do it, so can you!
· Know it won’t be easy, but will be worth it.
Keep your eyes on the prize and accept that there will be setbacks and roadblocks along the way.
· KEEP GOING!!
-One thought, one breath, one step at a time.
-Embrace the journey and learn from it.
Think about your life. Do you have a dream board on your wall that you’ve been staring at for years? How many items have you checked off as accomplished? For the ones you’ve checked off, what changes did you have to make along the way? How does checking them off make you feel? Were the changes worth it?
The fear of change is real but can be overcome. The work takes time and effort. Shortcuts rarely last. Lasting change takes place in incremental steps, sometimes almost too small to recognize. A few dollars continually invested in the stock market if left alone, changes into a small fortune over time. Eating better one meal at a time, can turn bad health into excellent health that slows down aging and prolongs lifespan. Change can be scary and messy. But then again, it can lead to a wonderful, magical life. The devil you don’t know, just might turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
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